The Year of Growth
“Just when I think I have learned the way to live, life changes.” - Hugh Prather
I hardly can believe the changes in my life this year, and it’s only March! The year of growth has arrived and it’s spinning me so fast that I may just fly off this page. I’m both excited and terrified. Overjoyed yet overwhelmed. The life I imagined I’d lead is taking a spin I hadn’t considered. A new adventure is beginning, and oh the thrill of it.
At the beginning of this year, the announcement was made. His Church, where I am a member, launched their theme in January. Our head pastor decides this theme according to what area of our Christian faith he believes God wants to work in for this time. You’ve guessed it, this year’s theme is growth.
The goals for the church’s growth are very exciting and I’m all for it, but the pastors also emphasised that each person should grow and that we should be open to God working in our lives. At first, I simply smiled at this. It is an amazing theme and growth can be exciting, but I had no idea how I might grow this year. I decided to give it to God and allow Him to show me what he wants of me, thinking the year will be good. Seems my expectations, though hopeful, were proven far too low.
The Seed Sown Last Year
Emotionally, 2017 had been hard on me. My laptop was stolen and with it a large portion of my writing. I broke up with the first boyfriend I’d ever had. I lost my dog who I adored as if she were my child. And all this within the span of a few weeks. Second year of university was a time of smiling through the aftermath. I rarely let others know how numb I was feeling as I tried to deal with my turmoiled thoughts and still do university work. It might not be as big as other hard times I’ve been through, but it was still taxing, and the worst was the dryness in my faith life. I was in a desert and I couldn’t hear God’s voice, but He didn’t leave me there.
Towards the end of October, I finally broke this barrier of hidden depression and found Him waiting for me with open arms. I realised things end – material things disappear, lives end, even love. I can’t live afraid of change. I can’t live reliant on those around me. I’m my own person and I decide the way I want to live life. And I don’t want to live it wallowing in what once was or could’ve been. I don’t want to live it in the shadows. I will take chances on the things I want. Fear is no excuse.
In November, I took one of those chances. Since first year, I had felt I needed to run a Christian group in my university to connect with and encourage others. With the help of a friend working in the offices, I organised to run the Alpha course in a building close by. The Alpha course creates a conversational setting where people can talk about questions of life and faith. If you’d like to know more, check out their official site here. Running for only one night for a handful of weeks, very few students arrived to the meetings and mostly other Christians. An event organiser might call the turn out a failure, but this small group. We had some fun. I didn’t discount the value of talking with those there, though I didn’t think too much of it and ended my year with a relaxing holiday.
Sproutings of New Hope
Today, I sit reflecting on the first two months of 2018. “Wow” doesn’t quite cover it.
It began slow, the holidays gradually slipping away as I took the time to read, relax and pray. A new challenge presented itself eventually though, when circumstances resulted in my ex staying over once a week in order to serve at a church event. I was confronted with a lot of emotions during that time in January. Emotions that I had run from. No matter how unpleasant those days were, it forced me to confront my true feelings and resolved a lot of heartbreak. We talked and reached at least some level of friendship. I feel like I can move on now. I learned so much from that relationship and I’ll choose to remember the good times with the hope that maybe one day I’ll find something even better.
After the announcement of this year’s theme, I had decided to simply yield to what God wanted for me. I fasted with my church and told Him He must guide me. I wanted to follow His lead. February came with the beginning of third year in my bachelor studies. The first week was a wake-up call. My idle holiday mood had an ice-cold bucket smash it to pieces. The workload has tripled from previous years and it was a shock to say the least. Nevertheless, with my gracious lecturers’ guidance, I’ve found my routine. I like to think I’m managing things well and that my efforts will reflect in my results but the more amazing part of returning to university was what it led to.
Change is here, and it begins with a blog. I created this website so I can showcase myself as an author. The inspiration to start a blog along with it came from encouragement from lectures. I decided to do it because I have a desire to help and inspire others through my writing. Today marks my third week of blogging and I’ve loved every moment. This blog has impacted my life, not only as I write my own thoughts, but also as I meet other bloggers. This is a community I’m happy to become a part of and they have inspired me.
As I make this commitment to my creative work and my blog, God has opened doors to directions I had never considered my life would go. Remember Alpha? Word got around that I had run this small group last year and on one surprising afternoon, I received an email from a youth coordinator from Alpha National. The small success of mine has aided them to begin developing a strategy to run alpha in universities across the province. It will reach students and encourage them through talks about life. And I get to be apart of it. I am ecstatic to help in any way I can and so honoured to be a part of God’s plan.
I have my studies, my blog and Alpha, but the growth is not stopping there. This is my last year of my degree and new opportunities for next year are already springing forward. I couldn’t have dreamed of the options I am considering. I only pray God will continue to guide me this year and that my growth will bring me closer to my dreams.
If you are going through a hard time or a dry season, remember one thing. Things end. Sometimes happy things end, but don’t loose sight of who you want to be. How do you want to live your life? Change happens, and growth can be painful. Will you let fear stop you? Or will you take the chance and trust in God’s plan?
I don’t know about you, but He’s never let me down yet
